rid_of_you

Wow.. Am I the poster girl?

I need friends. I need excitement. I hate this life. I hate my apartment.
I hate having my car out of commission. This isn't what I want.

School is the basic part of my life. I can't wait for it to be over but I'm also afraid of the ending. I guess I should just focus on what's going on rather than what's happening later. I will be making a wedding cake shortly, I'm excited. Inspired by a design but it won't be the same. Lost is on for the last night eve. I wonder how it will end..


Later days

emotionally exhausted, scared, and uneasy.

I feel so uneasy and my brain is making up things again.

Lost.
Hopeless.
Repeat.

Gee thanks.

School is fucking exhausting and slowly making me hate it. I'm
good at what I do though but fuck being a pastry chef. I'm going over to breads which taste better anyways.

I can't shake this feeling that I have.
I hope it eventually goes away because there isn't a point to even think about it.

I didn't mean to be that dramatic..

Well I'm undecided about where I'm going to be after school. Maybe Seattle or socal but I'm going to put Seattle on my priority first. They have great bakeries and such. I wouldn't mind going to Cali though but I don't really have friends that would make me want to drop everything and go back. Yes I have a couple of friends there that mean a lot to me but I want to try to try life a different way before I give up everything. I know you want to go back but I really don't think you should get your hopes up.. And even if we have to depart because you hate it here, then that's how it's going to be...


I hate how you make it seem like it's my fault I made you move here or you have to rely on a fucking plant. You don't have to do it. And I'm lonely too. You talk to more people daily than I do and have more friends than me.

I'm not totally settled about going back south. So... Yeah.

I know you've lost your musical touch and all.. I don't know.. Sometimes I wonder if we are even going to work out.. It's not the same anymore since "you've turned into someone else". What's happening to us..?